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When Philip was in the 6th grade he couldn’t wait to go to his first middle school Christmas dance.
The dance was coming up on a Friday and it was all he could talk about. On the Wednesday prior, just as Karen was walking out the door to pick him up from school, the phone rang. It was Philip’s English teacher. She began the conversation by talking about great our older boys had been and how she knew we had high standards as parents. Then she went on with the reason for her call.
Philip’s arrival was a big deal for our family. For the last several generations the Burke family has produced only brother/sister pairs, so the novelty of having a third child was quite a spectacle. Having all three be boys who were capable of carrying on the Burke family name was downright newsworthy! When your family name is a verb you have a duty to keep things going, if for no other reason than to live down the infamy.
The importance of the Philip’s birth was not lost on Gerrit and Tucker. They took their responsibilities as big brothers very seriously. For weeks prior to the big event they talked to Karen’s stomach to get acquainted with their new brother. They helped get his room ready and offered all sorts of ideas about how they could include him in their activities once he arrived. It was an important mission and they were up to the task.
It’s no wonder then that Tucker was so delighted when I brought the boys to the hospital to meet their new brother in person for the first time. Karen placed Philip on Tuck’s lap and, as soon as he heard Tuck’s familiar voice, Philip opened his eye and gave his big brother the thrill of a lifetime.
originally published 11/3/11| next post Milestones
Growing up involves many milestones. The first few tend to be moments that inspire family videos and excited phone calls to grandparents. Our first laugh, first words, and first steps are enormously important events in our development, and they deserve to be celebrated, but most of us probably aren’t particularly aware at the time that we have done anything special. We’re just trying to figure things out.
As we get older, the milestones begin to matter more to us. We start anticipating the moments that prove we’re not just a little kid anymore: the first time we ride a bike without training wheels, the first day of “big” school, the move from t-ball, to coach-pitch, and finally to kid-pitch. Each step provides us with more proof that we’re moving forward.
It’s important to be able to gauge your progress.
We decided to hold the Rite of Passage for each of our boys when they turned fifteen. We knew that when they turned sixteen, and started to drive on their own, our opportunities for impacting their lives would decrease dramatically. Freedom is an exciting and powerful privilege, and we wanted to make sure that they understood the standards we expected before they ventured out into the larger world.
We built our ceremony around four values that we thought the boys should aim for in their lives:
These values didn’t cover everything, but we thought they were a few good “stars” by which they could begin charting their course through life. Read more
On the night of the ceremony, I took our son up to the church and we arranged things as needed for the ceremony. We prepared the elements for the Lord’s Supper. As the guests began arriving, it was his duty to greet and welcome them. We tried to arrange beforehand for someone besides a family member to take pictures, since we were all involved in the ceremony.
And finally, we began. (I’m using Philip’s here, but Gerrit’s and Tucker’s were almost identical)
“Welcome
We’re here today to mark Philip’s passage into manhood. In our culture, we don’t really have any kind of traditional, ceremonial way to do this. Our young men have to use things like getting their license, or their first job, or their first whiskers to use as a benchmark that they’ve arrived. And yet, in so many ways, our culture turns right back around and tells them they’re still not ready to do many “adult things”,…they can make the choice to offer their lives in service to their country and still not be legally old enough to do many things: they can’t vote, they can’t get certain jobs,…these are confusing signals. Read more
In a world filled with Mommy Blogs, this is a rare Dad Blog. It's about raising a bunch of boys so you're not going to find a lot of tender moments, poems, or recipes here. What you might find are things like Loaded Omelet Biscuits, wooden spoons, donut days, monster wrestling, push-ups, and secret hand signs.
So brace yourself.
It might get ugly.
